these is my words

Heather has been telling me to read These is my Words by Nancy Turner for ages, so I finally did and I loved it. Miss Sarah Agnes Prine is a fine heroine and her journal entries are thoroughly entertaining. Even though it is a novel, Sarah feels like a real person. I find a lot of the things I am reading lately have awesome, inspirational characters.

{Spoiler alert! If you plan to read this book and don't want to know anything about what happens, stop reading now. I'm not really giving anything away that was obvious to me from early on, but you have now been warned}


Sarah is tough and smart. She is a killer shot and very independent. It makes me happy how much she loves books.

"Well, I said, any man who knows me could admire me but I don't want to be married to someone just because he thinks I'd make a good wife." (p. 196)

I connected with Sarah in so many ways.

"It's just that I want everything, my insides are not just hungry, but greedy. I want to find out all the things in the world and still have a family and a ranch." (p. 309)

It cracks me up when she talks about her relationship frustrations.

"Taking up marriage is a good excuse for taking up cursing, I think." (p. 248)

I felt like I could relate to some of the things she said about loss and grief and sorrow.

"I want to run. I want to run and run and go far away, back to the Territory or off to some foreign land where there is no more sorrow." (p. 16) 

"I feel like my legs are made of wooden branches and my heart is a hard rock inside." (p. 17)

While the book is full of adventures and calamity and interesting characters, the love story is the best part. When I told Heather I had finished the book she said that she had never loved a fictional character like she did Captain Elliot. I agree completely! Step aside, Mr. Darcy. We all know that I like my men manly, and Jack Elliot is the perfect mix of tough and strong and sweet and loving. He's perfect and maddening. Exactly my type. ;) If you want to meet a man who surpasses Mr. Darcy  {in my opinion} you will have to read These is my Words. And you should, because it is fabulous. 

"I wish Jack Elliot was here. It seems the only time I can take a full breath is when he is nearby." (p. 193)

"I'd rather be around Jack in a bad mood than most other men when they're trying to pay me a compliment." (p. 273)

This book was lovely in every way, and I have officially fallen in love with a fictional character.

hope, love and patients

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job? I got home from work about an hour ago and I have been thinking about how grateful I am for the people I get to meet and care for.

One lady who has been with us in rehab for almost a month is going home tomorrow, so most of us said goodbye to her tonight. Leigh Ann came out of her room and cried a little, and I had tears welling up in my eyes when I said goodbye. She said, "Parting is such sweet sorrow" and told me that we had all been so special. She told me I gave her the best showers and the best back rub she ever had. {People are always really grossed out by the shower thing, but I think it is quite a privilege to have people trust me to take care of them with something that can be quite embarrassing. I also enjoy helping people feel good, even if it is "gross."} This woman is such a star. When I am 87 I hope to be just like her. She is so incredibly kind and always saying thank you. She is a hoot and a half. She is always laughing. She says things like "goodie-goodie-gumdrops." She always has to shoot her paper towels into the trash can after she washes her hands, like Jimmer Fredette. Tonight she leaned real close and dropped it in, so of course I responded with a cheer and a "Slaaaaam dunk!" She said, "That was a Jimmer" and we laughed some more.

Seeing her absolutely brightened my day every time, and I don't know if I ever talked to her without laughing. Watching her progress was such a treat and she has come so far. I feel so inspired and blessed by her presence in my life over this short time. Things have been hard for her and she has plenty to be sad about, but she is always a ray of sunshine. She gives me hope that I can be a fun and sweet and happy even when things are hard and I'm hurting. There's always something to laugh about. You have to recognize reality, but you can always make a situation better with your attitude. She reminds me that the things you say matter and the way you treat people can change their day for better, or for worse. I always have an opportunity to brighten someone's day if I choose to.

I think one of my favorite things about work is getting to know so many people; people who often give me hope and teach me important lessons. Another of my favorite patients was a woman who loved to watch basketball. She was always sweet and fun to talk to, and I loved going into her room during the NBA finals so I could see the score and talk about the game. She and her husband had been married for 60 years and they were so in love. He was always there doting on her, which drove some people a little crazy, but I thought it was great. One night he was helping me clean her up and they were talking to me about marriage. He said "When you're married 60 years like we have been and you've gone through everything, that's when you know the real meaning of love and loyalty and friendship." Well that was another time when I almost cried right then and there. It was a seriously beautiful moment. He told me another day that marriage is something you work at every day and one day she said, "You spoil each other. That's always been our philosophy." Things like that give me hope in the midst of all the broken marriages and distortions of love that true love is real and you actually can be happy and in love with your spouse forever. That teaches me to accept nothing less than that for my life.

The patients who are nice and appreciative are always easier to care for and make a greater impression, but I have learned important things from the difficult ones as well. I have hardly had a patient that I didn't learn to enjoy. I remember one man who had gained a little reputation of being grouchy and difficult. I had heard this, but I decided to sit down with him when he was eating dinner one night. He had a fascinating life and he told me all about it. Tears formed in his eyes when he told me about his wife's death more than forty years earlier. Later he told me how he had taken two young boys in his ward under his wing after their father had died and how he later married their mother. One day he was going to take the boys to Disneyland. He had no intention of dating their mother, but as he drove away he said the Holy Ghost stepped right in and told him he should turn around and bring her along. He cried as he told me, "And that was the beginning. The Holy Ghost will take you where you need to go." I took a little time to get to know him and he never gave me a speck of trouble. I remember my dad telling me that everyone has a story and you can learn something from everyone you meet if you take the time.

I love the patients that I work with. It's a different kind of love than I've ever felt before and now I truly know what they mean when they say you love the people you serve.

In June two patients I worked with passed away. The news hit me pretty hard. I have only been working at the hospital for about 5 months, and these were the first people to die that I had really cared for. These were two amazing women and I was struck by their spirits and their strength. I watched them suffer and work hard trying to recover. I comforted each of them as they cried. I remember their husbands, children, grandchildren. I knew they were both very sick and probably would not live long, but they were so young and the news was still difficult. As I eventually go through many years of working in healthcare I know that many people I care for will pass away, and I hope it always affects me like these two did. I also hope that I can covey to the patients I care for just how special they are to me and how much I learn from them- even the cranky ones. It is truly a privilege and I'm thankful with all my heart.