hero

I've always been a believer in saving myself and not being like some sort of damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor or a fairy godmother to come save her. I still believe this, although I must admit that there have been several times when I have thought it would be really nice to have somebody swoop in and save the day and make everything better.

Last night Becky and I were wallowing and decided to watch (500) Days of Summer. The line "I'm the hero of this story- don't need to be saved" from the Regina Spektor song Hero in the movie made me think about that concept of saving yourself, and I thought, "You know what, I need to be the hero and just save myself." But then I realized that in that moment I wasn't saving myself at all. I was sad, so I had gone to Becky's room and then we cried and watched a movie and played with each other's hair. And I think that's part of the point of relationships {whether it's friends, family, or a husband}.

We can't take care of ourselves without any help and keep it all together all the time. As much as I would like to be able to take care of myself all the time, and as much as I hate asking for help, we need each other and we need God because we simply cannot do it alone. So this is my thought: I believe it's important to be your own hero and save yourself, at least sometimes. You definitely can't wait around for a boy to save you. It's important to have the confidence that when it comes down to it you can actually really rely on yourself to do what's right and best and be the hero of your story. You need to know that you can save yourself, and you don't need someone else to do it for you. {At least I need to know that} However, sometimes it's just plain stupid to try to do it all by yourself. The good thing is that, even when we feel like it, we are never ever alone.

unicycle

I've been thinking recently about how much time I have spent as a third wheel during my short 21 years of life. It seems like I'm always a third or fifth . . . or thirteenth wheel. Sometimes is gets pretty irritating, but most of the time I'm pretty comfortable as a third wheel. Tricycles aren't so bad right? It's nice and safe, very non-threatening.

I've realized that I'm comfortable as a tricycle, and I'm perfectly happy as a unicycle. I like being alone. I have a good time by myself. I think I'm pretty good company. I like being able to do whatever I want and not worry about anyone else. It's just me, and it's alright. I like it that way.

But I was thinking lately, why am I so happy by myself and so comfortable as a third wheel while the thought of two wheels is so unsettling? Maybe I'm afraid of falling and getting hurt again. Maybe I just like the ease of being able to do what I want. Maybe I like that I get to make my own plans. Maybe I just don't want change. Two wheels seems dangerous. I didn't learn how to ride a two-wheeler until I was about 10 or 11, and I think it may be a while before I am ready to give up my unicycle for a two-wheeler.

adults

We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

mouthwash

Have you noticed how different your day is depending on what music you listen to?

I have times when I may be a bit too addicted to my ipod, but I really don't know what I would do without music. 

Some days I want to "turn on those sad songs" and wallow in whatever issue is troubling me. I think there's value in wallowing, taking a day or two just to be sad, but you have to ditch the sad songs at some point and move on.

I'm also a big fan of the girl power anthem. I pretty much can't get enough of girl power in any form, so in music it is especially fabulous. 

Love songs are also cute and nice at times, but must be used sparingly while you are single or they have the potential to drive you to listen to sad songs. 

Pick-me-up type songs are another one of my favorites. I love a good song that lets you just dance it out. 

I was thinking today as I walked to class jamming to my tunes how much music changes my day.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning, wondering how I am ever going to survive this semester.

You should know, I am a big fan of Kate Nash and her songs are frequent pick-me-ups for me. As I was walking to campus, Kate Nash's song Mouthwash came up on my ipod. I immediately felt a little more spring in my step. I bobbed my head a little as I walked and felt a sudden surge of confidence. I went from feeling very inadequate to feeling just a little bit maybe invincible. 

This is my face
Covered in freckles
With the occasional spot
And some veins

This is my body
Covered in skin
And not all of it
You can see

And, this, is my mind
It goes over and over
The same old lines

And, this, is my brain
It's torturous analytical thoughts
Make me go insane

And I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I got a family
And I drink cups of tea

I've got nostalgic pavements
I've got familiar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I hope everything's gonna be alright

This is my face
I've got a thousand opinions
And not the time to explain

And this is my body
And no matter how you try and disable it
Yes I'll still be here

And, this, is my mind
And although you try to infringe
You cannot confine

And, this, is my brain
And even if you try and hold me back
There's nothing that you can gain

'Cause I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I've got a family
And I drink cups of tea

I've got nostalgic pavements
I've got familiar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I hope everything's gonna be alright
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I'm not sure what it was about this song that made me feel so ready to tackle the day, but it did. I love how music can change your attitudes and feelings. It kind of made me realize how much I need to consider the music I listen to and choose music that helps me feel better and happier. 

elder sessions

My brother, Parker, went into the MTC today.
He is headed to the Brazil Teresina Mission.
Since his visa didn't come through he had to come to Provo instead of heading to the MTC in Sao Paulo, Brazil. He wasn't so happy about coming to Provo, but I'm glad I got to see him again! I also informed him that I wouldn't be able to send him cupcakes and brownies if he were in Sao Paulo!

My mom and Parker drove over on Monday and we had lots of fun. On Monday night I drove up to Bountiful and had dinner at my grandma's house with family.

Yesterday we had to have one last lunch at J Dawgs.

We went to India Palace in Provo for dinner. 

Indian food definitely isn't mom's favorite, but Parker loves it and India Palace is the best.

Today I had lunch at Zupas with Parker, Mom, and Grandma before taking P man to the MTC.

There he is, walking away with his bags. 

It was such a fast drop off, and what a strange feeling!

Here is Parker outside the Denver Temple. 

My little brother is all grown up!

He's the best guy ever and I know he will be a great missionary!

audrey

shell

So tonight, due to several sources of stress and anxiety in my life, I was feeling {as I have felt before} that I would really really like to have a shell. It could maybe be sort of like the lamp from I Dream of Jeannie and I would be tiny inside a plushly decorated shell. 
Then, I was chatting on facebook with my friend about the potential benefits of having a shell.

1. {Most importantly} When you have a shell you can curl up inside it and hide from mean or scary things, like a turtle does. Sometimes I really feel like I want to hide from the world.
2. If you're like a hermit crab your shell is your home and then you don't have to worry about packing all your stuff when you move. Plus, you can have a fun, pretty shell!

My friend added another one:

3. "And you wouldn't have to wear clothes. 

      or date . . . cause no one dates girls who don't wear clothes.

      except perverts."

hahahaha!! This might be my favorite. So funny.

I must say it definitely brightened my day, and increased my desire to get myself a shell!

early-life crisis

Due to the fact that:

1. I added a class and my schedule for fall now looks like this (18 credits):

2. I have virtually no idea what the heck I am actually going to do with my life and I have far too many things to deal with in the upcoming year

3. I really don't want to deal with men/dating/relationships ever again, and I am questioning all this business about true love and stuff that they teach us about practically from infancy

4. I've gained like 8 pounds this summer

5. I went to see Eat Pray Love today

. . . 

I might be on the verge of what my cousin has termed an "early-life crisis."

This summer I have really been trying to just go with the flow, roll with punches, not stress out so much about life and just see where it takes me. Apparently, this is not a mantra that works very well with my sort of brain. Darn. 

So, I am pondering several quotes from Eat Pray Love.

"If you could clear out all that space in your mind . . . you'd have a doorway, and you know what the universe would do? Rush in. Everything else will take care of itself."

"You don't need a man, you need a champion." 

{I have dreadful taste in men, fyi}

"You want to get to the castle, you got to swim the moat."

In the movie they are talking about how cities or people have a word that can describe them. She is sort of searching for her word throughout the movie. At first she says her word is "writer" and her friend says  that's what she does, not who she is. I wonder what my word would be. Do you know what your word would be?

Anyway, here I am, trying to fend off this early-life crisis and stop worrying and thinking so much about everything. Life is hard and messy, but it is also beautiful and exhilarating. I'm trying to learn that it's okay to make mistakes and that I don't have to have everything figured out and under control all the time. I must admit I had no idea what a journey I would be starting when I graduated from high school and went to college. When I was 17 I thought I knew who I was and I had this idea of how my life was going to be. Now I'm 21; I'm still trying to figure out who I really am and where I'm going.
Everything will take care of itself.

Se la vie, right? 

Such is life. 

The key is finding peace in the uncertainty of life and having faith that God is guiding you.

I'm working on that.

wide open spaces

She needs wide open spaces

Room to make her big mistakes

She needs new faces

She knows the high stakes

To find a dream and a life of her own

A place in the clouds a foundation of stone

wide open spaces

{dixie chicks}

comedy

Last weekend I went to see the movie "The Other Guys" with my parents and brothers. We lasted about 45 minutes before walking out and it has caused me to think a lot about comedy and the state of our country/world. I hope you all haven't seen it, and I won't repeat any of the jokes or quotes from the movie here, but I think most people know the basic point or have seen a similar movie. {Think "Talladega Nights"} I found everything about this movie incredibly offensive, and just sad really. Do being mean to people, swearing every other word and disrespecting women actually constitute good comedy these days? I don't find that funny at all. I was actually shocked by all the people in our theatre who laughed so hard. Can we really be in a good place when this is what we find funny? We should be bothered by these things, like the way the men talk to each other, the language they use, and the awful way Will Ferrell treats his wife in the movie. I think it's interesting to note that Ferrell's character seems to be pretty nice to everyone, except his wife. The whole thing was disgusting and, frankly, disappointing. I think I have a pretty good sense of humor, but the "jokes" in this movie were uncalled for. When I see this movie getting overall positive reviews I don't know what to think. I think there is a place for teasing and joking, but there's a line of what is appropriate. It doesn't take much creativity or talent to make jokes like those in this movie, and, beyond being offensive, I thought they were just plain stupid.

I realize that "The Other Guys" is comedy, satire, a spoof- not meant to depict real-life, and I don't want to overestimate the influence of one movie on the way people behave; but what are we teaching teenagers with things like this? Sadly, this movie shows behavior that can be seen in a lot of entertainment these days and that has me concerned. People aren't bothered by it, but they darn well should be. I suggest we make more attempts at smart comedy, and perhaps we could show some respect and decency in the way we treat others, even if it's just in silly movies, because if we accept these things in entertainment I wonder how often or long it will be until we accept them in everyday life.

dream

"Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to 

reach for the stars 

to change the world." 

~Harriet Tubman~

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. 

Explore. Dream. Discover."

~Mark Twain~

overrated

I would like to share my opinion that 

California "Gurls" are {highly} overrated. 

There should really be a song about Colorado girls.

All summer I have been wanting to create my own. 

{Think I need a hobby?}

I found a couple versions on YouTube, and while they have some potentially offensive parts, there are some real winning lines too. 

Here are a few lines that I found entertaining {and appropriate to share"}:

{This song can be heard at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0_KFUSqsUQ)

"These the type of girls that you can take home to your mommy. You can sit and kick it with 'em but they still know how to party. You can take 'em anywhere just treat 'em right."

"Colorado girls so many different types- farm girls, mountain girls, burb girls, city girls, black, white, brown, yellow- all so pretty girls"

"No caked makeup, we're naturally beautiful"

"We're a mile high up and there's nobody above"

"Every girl stacked, yeah all the girls fine"

"Colorado girls pretty, all your girls iffy"

"Box state girls real, no fakin 'em out"

"Round the world there's a lot of ladies, but not like in Colorado baby"

{The following video can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYGpelWYFx0}

"Colorado girls we're insurmountable,

Lace your hiking boots and fill your Nalgene up"

My absolute favorite part says: 

"Colorado girls know how to spell girls"

{This is a shot from the video}

There's lots of good parts in this video, but you might have to be from Colorado to enjoy them

Now a shout out for my girls in Utah!

A "Utah Girls" song could be sweet. 

I haven't seen one yet, but it could be pretty darn funny.

You girls should probably start working on one :)

pura vida

My family recently spent a lovely vacation in Costa Rica {July 10-15}. 

Everything was beautiful, the food was delicious, and the people were delightful. 

At Manuel Antonio National Park

A couple of sloths in a tree. 

They move soooo slowly!

A cute lounging monkey

The beaches were beautiful

Sisters :)

This beach was pretty crowded with lots of Ticos

A pretty waterfall

My papa and our guide, Diego 

Pura Vida, my friends!

pep talk

I love this kid. I wish I was small enough to stand on the counter in my bathroom and give 

myself an awesome pep talk everyday.

I can do anything good! I like my school. I like my dad. I like my mom. I like my car. 
I like my sister. I like my hair. I like my brothers. I like my room. I like my cousins.
I like my stuff. My. Whole. House. Is. Great!
I can do anything good! Better than anyone!

hey world, it's me, ali

I was just thinking . . . 

                                                  about the future.

I have a lot of plans and dreams - sometimes contradictory ones. 

                 One that occupies a large chunk of my brain right now is school. 

I really want to go to Yale for PA school . . . 

probably. 

I maybe want to go somewhere else. 

I maybe want to say, "Hey, actually never-mind" and do something very different. 

I feel a little discouraged, but not in a sad sort of way.
It's actually a peaceful sort of way. 

I was just thinking that all the plans I make don't necessarily matter. 

Life is an unpredictable thing, isn't it?

The more detailed the plans we make, the more chances we have to see that 

our plans for ourselves are not always the same as the plans God has for us. 

{This probably sounds like I had some major life change, but I actually haven't.
I've just been thinking.}

I'm turning 21 this summer. 

I used to think a mission was definitely in the plan for me. 

I was pretty sure of that from age 6 to 19. 

Until I figured out that a mission actually isn't in the plan for me. 

I thought I would graduate next year, but I'm not going to.

And I'm not too worried about it. 

I didn't think I would be taking so many science classes, but I am. 

And I love it.

I never thought I would lose contact with so many of my friends from high school, but I have.

And it's ok. 

The little heartaches I've had, well I didn't see them coming. 

But I'm a better person because they came.

I didn't anticipate what incredible friends {sisters} I would find at BYU.

But now I can't quite imagine my life without them.  

Life teaches us flexibility, that's for sure. 

So I guess I've just been thinking a lot about life and how
uncertain, or unforeseeable, it all is. 

But thats kind of a great thing about life, don't you think?

It keeps you on your toes. 

thanks for listening.

wanderlust

I have a problem. 

                                 It's called wanderlust. Ever heard of it?

All I can think about is travel. 

Bolivia, Greece, Oman, Costa Rica, Syria, Italy, Nepal, Austria, England, New Zealand . . . 

I want to spend every day living out of a suitcase & a backpack. Moving from one hotel to the next. Catching a train, a trip on a boat, a quick flight here or there. At least for a while. 

This vespa is calling my name. 

I don't think it would fit in a suitcase, but it would be a nice companion in somewhere like . . .

Santorini . . .

. . . or on a Roman Holiday.

*sigh*

I guess right now I can try to satisfy my wanderlust by exploring the 

most beautiful state in the U.S. of A. 

Yep. Fabulous. I love CO. So much. 

That vespa would sure help for better adventures though.  ; )

bridal shower

Last weekend my mom and I gave Allyssa's bridal shower. We have been friends for so long and it is sure fun to see her getting married. I was thinking about all our days of walking to school together, playing tennis and riding bikes every day with our brothers.
The shower was loads of fun and I'm getting super excited for the wedding!
Here are a few pictures . . .

I thought the decorations turned out pretty cute.

I like these cute LOVE bowls with yummy candy.

Allyssa loves Disney, so we had a bit of a Disney theme going on. 

We made jumbo Cinderella cupcakes. They were yummmmmy.

So, we played this one game where you had to kiss the prince. 

I at least kissed his neck-ish. Allyssa was out in the air. 

{I guess she's savin her kisses for Wade}

Dang, look at the hot lips on those girls. 

We like to keep it classy.

Allyssa's mother & my mother. So funny.

Check out that dashing prince. See those lovely lips on his right {his right, not yours} collar? Those are mine. I know, I know.

Ok, so my pictures from the shower are kind of limited, but there's a little bit of the fun. I also put together this stellar video trivia game. It was way fun. 

Can't wait for all the wedding events in June!

funny fb sighting

hahahaha!

i miss . . . provo.

So, I'm home for the summer. I'm happy to have a break after that killer semester. {18 credits plus 80+ hours of CNA classes on weekends is not the best idea for preserving sanity.} It feels great to be back in Colorado, my very favorite state. I love being home, hanging out with my family, sleeping in every day, reading . . . you know, summer. :) I do have a problem, though. I never thought I'd say it, I never thought it could happen, but I miss Provo. I miss all my amigas, and girls nights, and I even a little bit miss school. Basically, I miss all you guys that are in Utah. But anyway, here is what is happening over here in Colorado.

I'm still unemployed, and the job search is looking not-so-hot. I'm looking for a CNA job, hopefully at a hospital. It seemed to me that it shouldn't be a hard thing to get, but so far I haven't found a lot to apply for and I haven't heard anything back. I really truly hate applying for jobs, so that doesn't make it any better.

Also, I need to begin some sort of program because I need to lose a bit of poundage before June. Now don't go thinking I've turned anorexic or something. The problem is, I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding on June 10th. This isn't a problem, but the dress is. I was measured for the dress in December, when I was quite a bit skinnier than I am now. The dress is strapless and has boning down to the stomach and it has to be tight to stay up, you know? Well we were at the seamstress because I'm having sleeves added and I was standing there in the dress {totally unable to breathe} and I legit almost passed out. My face went ghost white, I had to sit down and unzip the dress, my head was spinning . . . bad news. Basically I cannot pass out because of lack of oxygen during my dear friends ceremony, or reception. Therefore, I must lose probably about 5 pounds. Wish me luck!

I have lofty aspirations of completing approximately one million projects this summer. I'm going to work on my papers and such for my Honors great works experiences. I'm going to finally put together my Jerusalem scrapbook. I'm also going to learn to sew. I'm thinking I may give painting a try. I have a bridal shower to put together and weddings to help with. I'm going to start an independent study MMBIO 221 class soon. Oh yeah, and I was hoping to work full time. We'll see how much of this actually happens.

Oh, also I went to see a fun musical in Denver on Friday night with my mom. It's called In The Heights. The set was fabulous, the characters endearing, the story uplifting, and the music compelling. Tomorrow we are going to see a small play called Mama Hated Diesels. One girl in my ward said this one felt like "driving through Wyoming," but we'll see. It can't be worse than when I went to see the weird version of Death of a Salesman or the frightening Blood Wedding at BYU.  South Pacific is coming this summer and I'm so excited for that one.

Anyway
Home is lovely, but I sure miss all of you in Provo!

married friends

So last night Lisa and Sean had me over for one last dinner before I head back to Colorado for the summer.  I love hanging out with them! We always have fun. I like having people to commiserate with about wanting to get out of Provo and go back to the good ol' 303.  I used to do stuff with them when they were dating pre-mish too, so it's perfectly normal to hang out now just the three of us. haha! We've discussed the possibility of me moving into their extra bedroom, but that's just wishful thinking. {Seriously, how weird would that be?} But anyway, it's always a highlight when I go over there for dinner. I love those two.

We were discussing, last night, the vast numbers of people we know who are engaged, pregnant, etc. The ranks of my single friends are quickly declining, and I'm sorry to tell you guys that I think it is going to be a very, very long time before I join you on the married team. But until then, I must say that I do enjoy spending time with all you married folks, even though you like to go to bed at like 9:30. {ok, maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration} I would also like to say that if you ever want to make me dinner I am always up for a meal that I don't have to cook {Let's be honest. If you don't cook for me, I'm not going to be cooking for myself} and I'll even bring dessert.

late nights and early parades

After a rather hectic weekend, I was excited to begin this week and the end of the semester with a bang. On Monday night I went to the Owl City concert at Saltair with Kelsey, Becky, Trevor and a few of Trevor's friends. I had been wanting to go to a concert and this one was lots of fun!

LIGHTS opened. 

I kind of loved her crazy rock-girl hair, and her keytar.

This is one of my favs. I was asked a question in the middle of taking this picture and got distracted, therefore my face looks rad. 

We were standing our ground. Nobody pushes us around!

Owl City! 

Looks like lots of fun, eh?

I think my bangs were plastered to my forehead at this point. 

These pictures are so ridiculous and so hilarious. I love them.

The way he danced was hilarious. I'm not sure how to describe it, but you might say dainty . . . or frilly . . .  :)

I was kind of bummed they didn't sing Saltwater Room or If My Heart Was A House, but they did some of my other favorites, like Vanilla Twilight, Hot Air Balloon, On The Wing, Dental Care and Meteor Shower. It was so fun! 

Then, yesterday {Tuesday} I went to the Global Family Health Conference at BYU. I was really excited because Sir Michael Marmot was the keynote speaker and I have a major Public Health crush on him. haha! {He's like an old man} But anyway, Sir Michael is the man. One of my professors described him as the Michael Jordan of Public Health. He basically invented the concept of the social determinants of health. This just says that our health is determined by more than our biology, behaviors and pathogens. Our health is affected by the social and economic factors we live with, like stress, social status, employment and working conditions, social support, housing, etc. Social determinants involves looking at health inequalities and at the causes of the causes of poor health. Anyway, it was a really interesting day and I learned a lot. Sir Michael Marmot's talk was fabulous and I was excited to be there. 

So far I've had a great start to the week and I'm excited for the party of finals week! 

happy easter

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." 

{John 3:16-17}

 

Today I feel especially filled with love and gratitude for my Savior as I reflect on His life and example and His atonement. I stand amazed at the love and grace He offers me daily. 

Oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives, 

I KNOW THAT MY REDEEMER LIVES. 

holi

Last weekend I went to the Festival of Colors at the Hare Krishna temple in Spanish Fork with Parker, Kelsey, Jeff and Bryce. It was quite an adventure. There were probably at least 15,000 people and we walked a good 2 miles from where we parked to get there. It was really fun to go join the craziness and get dirty!

Before:

After:

We got progressively dirtier . . .

This is one of my favs.

Me + the bro

Look at all those people!

There was so much in my hair!

Well, that was quite a fun day! The Festival of Colors is always a good time.