home

I'm sure I will have many homes in my life that will each hold a special place in my heart. So far I have had three homes. Colorado is special because my family is there and I grew up there. It is a place where I feel perfectly comfortable. Utah has come to feel like my home in the past couple years. This is the home where I have made a life that is all my own. Today is three years since I left for my third home, Jerusalem.  This home may hold the largest place in my heart. Sometimes I think it sounds silly when I say that Jerusalem changed my life, but it really did.

I was thinking today about the first time we drove into Jerusalem and about leaving. As we were driving in from Tel Aviv that first day I remember as we were getting close Brother Skinner told us that it would be a moment to remember because we could never again see Jerusalem for the first time. I wish I could describe the feeling I had as I saw the city for the first time. It felt like coming home, only somehow so much better. I've been totally emotional today as I think about Jerusalem. I know I brought a lot of Jerusalem back with me, but I feel today like I left a part of myself there, like a little tiny piece of my heart is missing. I know I will go back someday and it will be wonderful, but nothing can ever compare with the first time- the Jerusalem Center and the friends {family} that I met there. Today I am feeling so much love and so much gratitude {and more than a touch of homesickness for the JC}.

Next year in Jerusalem! 

body image

I've been thinking a lot lately about self esteem, and especially about body image. It seems like we are never satisfied with our bodies. There are days when it seems like I am able to find an endless list of things to criticize about my body, and I've never considered myself to have a poor body image. Driving between Salt Lake and Provo there are tons of billboards advertising breast implants, liposuction, tanning, etc. Women are expected to have these perfect bodies and faces and hair. And even if others don't actually expect that of us, I think we too often expect it of ourselves or put ourselves down because we don't look like Victoria's Secret models.

You've probably seen or heard the phrase, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Apparently Kate Moss told a magazine that this was her motto. I saw this for the first time couple months ago and have heard it many times since, and, honestly, I'm more disgusted by this phrase each time I encounter it. I was looking at pictures of Kate Moss, and when I searched on Google I saw the Wikipedia entry, which says: "Moss is known for her waifish figure and popularizing the heroin chic look in the 1990s, which made her a supermodel. She is also known for her controversial private life, high profile relationships, party lifestyle, and drug use." This super-skinny, unhealthy, drug-addict look seems to be making a comeback with the hipster crowd. I don't think this level of skinny is the main-stream ideal of beauty, but it still troubles me. And let me just say that anyone who believes this has never tasted my brownies. Having some love handles and being able to eat brownies is so worth it! Food is one of the great joys in life, in my opinion.

I spend {too much} time to pinterest and I've noticed how often people have pinboards about "being fit" where they post pictures of scantily-clad women with 6-pack abs and skinny arms. How depressing is that? These boards are supposed to be about inspiration for "getting healthy" but I don't see that at all. That body type is not attainable by all women and you certainly don't have to look like that to be beautiful or healthy. I wish we could all love our bodies for what they are. Of course, everyone should exercise and eat a healthy diet and try to be healthy. But health should be the goal. We need to let go of the pressure to look like the photoshopped pictures in magazines or the models who have personal trainers and chefs and spend all of their time working to look like that, in addition to having the genetics for that look to begin with. I learned from my psychology text book this summer that some contestants in the Miss America pageant work out as much as 30-35 hours a week. If you don't include Sundays, 30 hours a week means 5 hours a day. I think I would like to do something more valuable with my time and I also think it's not fair to compare my body to their bodies.

Have you heard the Regina Spektor song Folding Chair? She says, "I've got a perfect body but sometimes I forget. I've got a perfect body because my eyelashes catch my sweat." I love that! I think we can all find a reason why our bodies are perfect. Our bodies are so different and special. Every body is beautiful, and it's wrong that we have such a narrow view of beauty in our society.

Now, a final thought that sums up my feelings perfectly about what I want for myself and my future daughters:

"I've got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don't want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny - a thousand things, before 'thin.' And frankly, I'd rather they didn't give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons. Let them never be Stupid Girls." 

- J.K. Rowling

fall

Fall is my favorite season. I absolutely adore it. The changing colors, the crisp air and cooler temperatures, pumpkin cookies, even football. I actually don't care much about football, but thinking about football games is always exciting and so perfectly fall.

This is my final fall semester at BYU. I hadn't thought about this until today, my last first day of fall semester in Provo. I was feeling a bit nostalgic today as I thought about the wonderful times I've had at BYU. I was remembering my first day at school as a freshman and how desperately homesick I was and the friends I found who gave me a second home in Provo. I was remembering traveling to Jerusalem and and finding a new family in my friends there and the feeling that I would never be the same. I'm still basically the same person that I was four years ago, but I've changed and grown so much. BYU has been such an incredible part of my life. This semester will be crazy with school and getting ready for graduation, but I am going to try my best to do as much as I can and enjoy this last year of school. I was really dreading starting new classes, but today I'm just so glad that I have a fifth year of school. I'm not ready to leave BYU and I'm so happy to be here.

controversial opinions

I'm a rather opinionated person, although I often keep those opinions to myself due to my aversion to confrontation. Anyhow, I've been noticing lately how many silly little things I have opinions about, and how controversial those opinions may be. They make me laugh, so I want to share a few with you.

Words: The word 'swoon' is one I truly can't stand. I have no rational explanation, but it drives me bonkers every time I think about it. This word seems to be all over the blogging universe these days. Everyone is *swooning* over shoes and dresses and nice looking men. Ugh. Hate. The word 'bestie' is another one that irks me. I may be the only person on the planet who is bothered by this word and who doesn't use it. Again, no real explanation, but sheesh. I just have a few plain ol' best friends. Nothin' wrong with that. Conversely, I have no problems with the word 'moist.' I actually quite like it. There is no other way to describe a deliciously perfect, rich, moist, chocolate cake. If you consider how many people feel about the word 'moist' that is how I feel about 'swoon.'

NPR: Why is everybody obsessed with NPR? I consider myself a pretty cultured and educated person, but I honestly can't handle it. How do people listen to that? I tried listening in the care once during the early stages of this NPR craze and I lasted about 3 minutes. I read The Week, which is definitely my favorite news source. It gives you quick info about lots of issues and presents varying opinions on current issues, which I very much enjoy. No NPR for me. Music please!

H&M: In a way I hate to say it, but I think H&M is seriously overrated. They've had some very cute things at times but when I've shopped there it feels a little trashy to me. It's about a baby step up from Forever XXI for me. The first time I went to H&M was about 6 years ago in Amsterdam and our friend from Switzerland who was with us aptly described it as European Old Navy. "Semi-fashionable, relatively cheap price and cheap quality." Amen. It's alright and I would definitely look around, but the obsession is out of control. I bet it will die down eventually after the new store opens in Utah.

Five Guys: I know a lot of people who think Five Guys is the best. burger. place. ever! I personally think the hamburgers are very average and the fries are a little gross. Plus, they don't have shakes! If I go out for a burger I want a shake and yummy french fries. As soon as I learned they didn't have shakes I knew I would never be a big fan.

Summer: I have to tell you, I realized this year that I am not a great lover of summer. On facebook people are always hating the rain, wanting summer to come, and enjoying the sun/lake/pool/etc. I think fall is my favorite. I prefer my fall/winter clothes. I prefer the cool weather. I hate being hot. Also, I really don't enjoy swimming {the quintessential summer activity!}. It feels good when it's hot, but usually I go to the pool and I'm thinking, "Why am I here and why am I not wearing clothes?" Plus I'm opposed to getting sunburns. I haven't been to the pool once this summer. I would rather sit in the shade and read anyway. I think I may be the only person in Provo who thought the long spring with lots of rain and a little bit cooler weather was the best thing ever.

Well, I hope you will laugh at these silly thoughts and opinions of mine. And I hope you won't be offended if you are a lover of NPR or if swoon is your favorite word. I certainly won't be upset if your favorite thing to do is shop at H&M with your bestie.
:)

the more boys i meet . . . the more i love my dog.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Men are idiots. {Ok, let's be honest, I say this just about every day} I've had plenty of moronic encounters with men in the past few months, but none of them were terribly entertaining and some were downright depressing, until tonight. I have a winner for you, folks! All the single ladies, gather 'round. You will want to fight me for this guy. First off, let's rewind a few weeks.

So three or four weeks ago I went to concert with The Vibrant Sound at Provo Town Square with Becky and some girls. After the concert we continued to a house party. I had never been to such a party, and if we can have another honest moment I will admit that I was having feelings of losing my youth. I needed to do something fun and crazy for once! The party was packed and wicked lame, and we were standing in the back yard talking about leaving when a young man approached us. There was a bit of small talk and as we exchanged names I told him that it didn't really matter because I couldn't see his face so I wouldn't recognize him if I saw him again. He replied with something like, "Well, I'm very attractive {handsome?}."  I don't recall the lead-in, but a couple minutes later he handed me his phone and said he would "let" me put my number in. {Pause. "LET" me?? Seriously? Oh yes, I was DYING to put my number in your phone. THANKYOUTHANKYOU!} I wanted to say something along the lines of a straight-up "get over yourself" but I put my phone number in anyway. He texted me after that party and then a couple weeks ago about going to another party. I didn't respond to that one. Fast forward to tonight.

Ok, so Becky is out of town and I'm alone in the apartment for almost two weeks. My life is boring, so I was home tonight watching some Grey's Anatomy and studying for my anatomy lab final. Yay! At approximately 10:30 I got a text from this character {"Hi"} and I responded {"Hello"}. It was probably dumb to respond, but I was bored, and if I hadn't responded I wouldn't have gotten this GEM of a story! There were a few chatty texts {"Do u remember you I am" -He used "u" & didn't use a question mark, yuck} and he told me he was at another party {"I'd tell u to come to the party I'm at right now but it's way boring"}, at which point I told him that I actually don't really go to random parties. He said he was probably too much of a "partier" for me and I asked if he just goes around to parties getting random girls' phone numbers. This is where it gets good. Prepare yourselves.

"Yes. I make out w a different girl everynight" {*every night}

I responded, "You have got to be kidding me."
This was followed by the real winning text of the night:

"You can be #1,647 haha"
Response: "Gross. Nice try, pal."

Seriously?! Seriously!! {Grey's Anatomy? Anyone?}
This guy actually has an ego the size of Russia.

So anyway, this is exhibit #1,647 of why men are idiots. Nobody would expect a strange man from a house party to be a nice guy, but still. Attempted booty call? I don't think so. I honestly don't know how anyone ever gets married. I'm surrounded by morons!

Disclaimer: I fully understand that not ALL men are mean or stupid and I don't actually regard the entire gender with disgust, but it's much easier to say "men are idiots" than to give a list of all the individual dopes I have interacted with this year.