achy breaky heart

Sometimes {like today} I look at a picture from Jerusalem {like this picture looking out from my bedroom} and I just cry because I can't even handle how much I want to be there. My heart aches when I think about it. Oh my achy breaky heart. Seriously guys, I'm crying right now. Ridiculous. So much love. 

hero

I've always been a believer in saving myself and not being like some sort of damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor or a fairy godmother to come save her. I still believe this, although I must admit that there have been several times when I have thought it would be really nice to have somebody swoop in and save the day and make everything better.

Last night Becky and I were wallowing and decided to watch (500) Days of Summer. The line "I'm the hero of this story- don't need to be saved" from the Regina Spektor song Hero in the movie made me think about that concept of saving yourself, and I thought, "You know what, I need to be the hero and just save myself." But then I realized that in that moment I wasn't saving myself at all. I was sad, so I had gone to Becky's room and then we cried and watched a movie and played with each other's hair. And I think that's part of the point of relationships {whether it's friends, family, or a husband}.

We can't take care of ourselves without any help and keep it all together all the time. As much as I would like to be able to take care of myself all the time, and as much as I hate asking for help, we need each other and we need God because we simply cannot do it alone. So this is my thought: I believe it's important to be your own hero and save yourself, at least sometimes. You definitely can't wait around for a boy to save you. It's important to have the confidence that when it comes down to it you can actually really rely on yourself to do what's right and best and be the hero of your story. You need to know that you can save yourself, and you don't need someone else to do it for you. {At least I need to know that} However, sometimes it's just plain stupid to try to do it all by yourself. The good thing is that, even when we feel like it, we are never ever alone.

unicycle

I've been thinking recently about how much time I have spent as a third wheel during my short 21 years of life. It seems like I'm always a third or fifth . . . or thirteenth wheel. Sometimes is gets pretty irritating, but most of the time I'm pretty comfortable as a third wheel. Tricycles aren't so bad right? It's nice and safe, very non-threatening.

I've realized that I'm comfortable as a tricycle, and I'm perfectly happy as a unicycle. I like being alone. I have a good time by myself. I think I'm pretty good company. I like being able to do whatever I want and not worry about anyone else. It's just me, and it's alright. I like it that way.

But I was thinking lately, why am I so happy by myself and so comfortable as a third wheel while the thought of two wheels is so unsettling? Maybe I'm afraid of falling and getting hurt again. Maybe I just like the ease of being able to do what I want. Maybe I like that I get to make my own plans. Maybe I just don't want change. Two wheels seems dangerous. I didn't learn how to ride a two-wheeler until I was about 10 or 11, and I think it may be a while before I am ready to give up my unicycle for a two-wheeler.

adults

We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?

mouthwash

Have you noticed how different your day is depending on what music you listen to?

I have times when I may be a bit too addicted to my ipod, but I really don't know what I would do without music. 

Some days I want to "turn on those sad songs" and wallow in whatever issue is troubling me. I think there's value in wallowing, taking a day or two just to be sad, but you have to ditch the sad songs at some point and move on.

I'm also a big fan of the girl power anthem. I pretty much can't get enough of girl power in any form, so in music it is especially fabulous. 

Love songs are also cute and nice at times, but must be used sparingly while you are single or they have the potential to drive you to listen to sad songs. 

Pick-me-up type songs are another one of my favorites. I love a good song that lets you just dance it out. 

I was thinking today as I walked to class jamming to my tunes how much music changes my day.

I was feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning, wondering how I am ever going to survive this semester.

You should know, I am a big fan of Kate Nash and her songs are frequent pick-me-ups for me. As I was walking to campus, Kate Nash's song Mouthwash came up on my ipod. I immediately felt a little more spring in my step. I bobbed my head a little as I walked and felt a sudden surge of confidence. I went from feeling very inadequate to feeling just a little bit maybe invincible. 

This is my face
Covered in freckles
With the occasional spot
And some veins

This is my body
Covered in skin
And not all of it
You can see

And, this, is my mind
It goes over and over
The same old lines

And, this, is my brain
It's torturous analytical thoughts
Make me go insane

And I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I got a family
And I drink cups of tea

I've got nostalgic pavements
I've got familiar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I hope everything's gonna be alright

This is my face
I've got a thousand opinions
And not the time to explain

And this is my body
And no matter how you try and disable it
Yes I'll still be here

And, this, is my mind
And although you try to infringe
You cannot confine

And, this, is my brain
And even if you try and hold me back
There's nothing that you can gain

'Cause I use mouthwash
Sometimes I floss
I've got a family
And I drink cups of tea

I've got nostalgic pavements
I've got familiar faces
I've got a mixed-up memory
And I've got favourite places

And I'm singing "oh oh" on a Friday night
And I hope everything's gonna be alright
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

I'm not sure what it was about this song that made me feel so ready to tackle the day, but it did. I love how music can change your attitudes and feelings. It kind of made me realize how much I need to consider the music I listen to and choose music that helps me feel better and happier.