So here I am. It's currently 12:57 am and I recently returned from a fun-filled evening at the library. Today was one in a string of very long days. I didn't eat anything resembling a real meal, unless you count the couple pieces of left-over Little Caesar's pizza and the mint brownie+milk that I had to get in the afternoon to make it through the day. I did fit in some fruits and vegetables, but still. I was in class for 7 hours today and had a pre-PA club meeting this evening. I spent nearly all my free time speeding through my take home exam for immigrant and refugee health. It was a doozy. I would wager it took me about 8 hours to get through. 6 pages, single spaced, .5 inch margins, 11 pt times. That was my fifth exam since last Tuesday. It's been a long week.
That brings me to tonight. Here I am, sitting on my bed, 1:03 am, exhausted . . . blogging. I got home and suddenly felt like there was no way I'd be able to fall asleep. My mind is completely occupied with to-do lists. I do feel some relief that all these exams are over, but now I'm thinking about all of the reading and assignments I put off while trying to get through those exams. 50 pages of organic chemistry reading, here I come! I also have a disaster of a bedroom and an overflowing hamper of dirty laundry that needs to be tackled. Sometimes I really wonder how people do it. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed by all I have to do.
At BYU I sometimes feel like everyone is working a bajillion hours a week, going to school full time and getting a 4.0, going on 12 dates a week, training for a marathon AND a triathlon, volunteering with 7 different groups, playing intramural sports, being a domestic goddess, mastering 5 instruments, etc. I think you get my point. I know that is some major hyperbole, but seriously. {ha!} Remember those facebook groups about BYU from back in the day? I am referring to "I used to be _____ but then I came to BYU" and "BYU- Where your best hasn't been good enough since 1875." Those are both a little dramatic, but truly, how do people find time to do everything? I am shocked and amazed, I tell you. Now on a more positive note. BYU is fabulous. I can't imagine being anywhere else. I love that it can be so ridiculously competitive but so friendly at the same time. I love that people here are so excellent {even though it can be discouraging sometimes} because it encourages me to be better. I love that I am able to push myself so hard and find out what I'm really capable of. When I'm wishing that I had some more free time to do fun things, maybe I can remember that all this hard work is hopefully making me better. Now I just need to figure out how to stop running through my to-do lists so I can get some sleep! :)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
to-do list
Monday, January 31, 2011
achy breaky heart
Monday, November 8, 2010
hero
I've always been a believer in saving myself and not being like some sort of damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor or a fairy godmother to come save her. I still believe this, although I must admit that there have been several times when I have thought it would be really nice to have somebody swoop in and save the day and make everything better.
Last night Becky and I were wallowing and decided to watch (500) Days of Summer. The line "I'm the hero of this story- don't need to be saved" from the Regina Spektor song Hero in the movie made me think about that concept of saving yourself, and I thought, "You know what, I need to be the hero and just save myself." But then I realized that in that moment I wasn't saving myself at all. I was sad, so I had gone to Becky's room and then we cried and watched a movie and played with each other's hair. And I think that's part of the point of relationships {whether it's friends, family, or a husband}.
We can't take care of ourselves without any help and keep it all together all the time. As much as I would like to be able to take care of myself all the time, and as much as I hate asking for help, we need each other and we need God because we simply cannot do it alone. So this is my thought: I believe it's important to be your own hero and save yourself, at least sometimes. You definitely can't wait around for a boy to save you. It's important to have the confidence that when it comes down to it you can actually really rely on yourself to do what's right and best and be the hero of your story. You need to know that you can save yourself, and you don't need someone else to do it for you. {At least I need to know that} However, sometimes it's just plain stupid to try to do it all by yourself. The good thing is that, even when we feel like it, we are never ever alone.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
unicycle
I've been thinking recently about how much time I have spent as a third wheel during my short 21 years of life. It seems like I'm always a third or fifth . . . or thirteenth wheel. Sometimes is gets pretty irritating, but most of the time I'm pretty comfortable as a third wheel. Tricycles aren't so bad right? It's nice and safe, very non-threatening.
I've realized that I'm comfortable as a tricycle, and I'm perfectly happy as a unicycle. I like being alone. I have a good time by myself. I think I'm pretty good company. I like being able to do whatever I want and not worry about anyone else. It's just me, and it's alright. I like it that way.
But I was thinking lately, why am I so happy by myself and so comfortable as a third wheel while the thought of two wheels is so unsettling? Maybe I'm afraid of falling and getting hurt again. Maybe I just like the ease of being able to do what I want. Maybe I like that I get to make my own plans. Maybe I just don't want change. Two wheels seems dangerous. I didn't learn how to ride a two-wheeler until I was about 10 or 11, and I think it may be a while before I am ready to give up my unicycle for a two-wheeler.
