remembering

I wonder how many times I've posted this picture on this blog. I also wonder what proportion of my blog posts are Jerusalem-related. I also find it funny that this is one of my favorite pictures of Jerusalem. At this size you can barely tell that the Dome of the Rock is there in the background and the plants take up most of the picture. So I think I like this picture not because of what is in it, but because of what it makes me remember. I spent so much time sitting on this balcony and looking out the windows of the center. I don't need the picture to show me the view because I remember it perfectly. This is a picture looking out from just about my favorite place in the world. And I like the remembering, even though it hurts my heart a little bit.

I decided to start reading the New Testament again today, and that got me thinking about Jerusalem. That thinking about Jerusalem got my to tearing up a bit. {I won't say crying, because only one tear actually escaped my eye.} It's been a long time since thinking about it has made me that emotional, and I wonder if that is because it has been so long since I was there and I worry about remembering. I looked through many of my pictures tonight and was overwhelmed with the memories. As I was so emotional I was wondering how I might explain those feelings to someone who wasn't there with me, and I'm glad there are 80 people who were there with me and know exactly what I'm feeling. How can you describe Jerusalem? I can't think of a time in my life when I've been happier. I never wore makeup, my hair was always a disaster, my clothes were ugly and I gained a ton of weight, but I was perfectly, blissfully happy. I'll always remember that driving into Jerusalem felt like driving home, except even better. Sometimes it feels so far away, but I like the remembering.

happy place

I went to Barnes and Noble tonight and as I wandered through the aisles of books I thought, 'Ah, this is my happy place." There are few things that make me happier than a book store. And I love a good used book store. Call me crazy, but I like the old, dusty smell of books that have been enjoyed and passed on. The only downfall of my happy place being book stores is the difficulty I have in maintaining self control and not buying out the store. I had to really stop myself from buying the nearly 10 books that I carried around a while. When I walk into a bookstore I feel a wash of peace and satisfaction. I realized tonight that I have other happy places as well. And isn't it nice to have happy places? I love to be at the hospital. I'm at work at the hospital right now, in fact, and it is really a happy place for me. {What a pleasure to have my work place be a happy place for me!} The temple is the best place to really feel peace, and it is nice to be able to have a temple so close. I love to be in my car and just drive. The serenity that I feel when I'm just driving is something I believe to be a primary component of the places that make me happy. I love to be anywhere that I feel content and peaceful, anywhere that is beautiful, where I can be calm and read or reflect or talk with a friend. A happy place is somewhere you can escape from the stresses of life and be encircled in peace. Everyone needs at least one happy place, don't you think?

beauty

"She had a way of seeing the beauty in others, 

even, and perhaps most especially, 

when that person couldn't see it in themselves."

- J.K. Rowling {Lupin talking about Lily Potter)

I think, more than anything else, this is the type of person that I want to be- a person who can see the beauty in the world, and especially the beauty in people. 

shiny happy people

I've been feeling a little dark and twisty lately. Things have been pretty rough, to say the least, so I sometimes feel justified in those negative feelings. But the thing is, I do not want to be dark and twisty; I want to be bright and shiny. So I'm working on that. In light of my trying to be a shiny happy person, I think it is time to reflect on some happy things.  So here are some things that make me happy this week:

- Hanging out with Kelsey and cuddling baby G. There's nothing like a little baby therapy, and Grant is the cutest baby in the world. I love that I get to see Kelsey and talk in the late hours of the night.

- Thai food and awesome friends. And stripes. Becky picked up Thai food for dinner on Monday night. Love me some green curry. AND she bought me a cute striped shirt from H&M. Awesomeness.

- Music! The new Ingrid CD came out this week and I am lovin it!

- Grey's Anatomy dermatology episode. Becky and I watched this late one night. I love it. A lot. Also, I make a LOT of Grey's references on my blog.

- Anticipating my new job! I got a job as a patient care assistant at Utah Valley and I am so excited to start next week. Is it weird that I kind of love hospitals? Hospitals feel safe to me. 

- Despite my most recent complaining post, this guy I'm dating is a champ. He is still hugely confusing,  but I just think he is great. Do you want to hear some things I like about him? Yeah? Ok! He always makes me laugh. In April he will officially be an officer in the Marine Corps, and we al love a man in uniform {especially the Marines uniform, because Marines are the best}. He says that he doesn't "blow smoke"- when he says something you know he really means it and I love that. His compliments really feel like compliments because they are so sincere. He has a strong testimony of the Savior and he shares that with me. I know he really respects me and he is very supportive and he gives amazing advice. Our friendship comes first. He is SO clueless and confused about dating, which kind of drives me crazy, but I find it quite endearing at the same time. So anyway, it's possible that we could break up at any time {who knows!}, but I just think he's great and he probably couldn't do anything to change that. He has definitely raised the bar for future relationships. 

- Family. It is so great how much support I get from my family. I'm really thankful that families are forever. 

- Simple pleasures. Sometimes it is funny the little things that make me so happy. I've said it before and I'll say it again: mint waxed floss never ceases to bring a smile to my face. Why do I love it so much? I don't have the slightest idea. 

- Baking. Baking makes me happy. Last week I made a chocolate cake. This week I made some beautiful banana muffins. Lovely. 

There are certainly many other things that make me happy, but these are some highlights. And when I look at this list, the bad things don't seem quite so bad. I am on my way to being a shiny happy person, I tell you! Life will never ever be perfect, but you get to choose what you do with the imperfections. And as Jillian Michaels says in her Ripped in 30 video, "Perfection sucks! Perfection is boring!"

Also, another Grey's Anatomy reference:

"Smooth rides make for boring stories. 

A little calamity, that's worth talking about."

passive-aggressiva

"There is a land called Passive-Aggressiva, and I am their queen."
I have really been earning my place on the throne of this land called Passive-Aggressiva in the past few days. I am their queen. Unfortunately, men are generally too dense to be able to read the body language or hear that little passive aggressive tone in your voice. Men.* You can't live with 'em, you can't kill 'em. I've said it before and I'll say it again: dating ruins your life. Over the past 6 weeks or so while everyone else has been blogging about the lovely events of 2011, their Christmas vacations, and their resolutions for the new year I have been . . . dating. Dating is an interesting experience for me, an experience that I rarely participate in and generally do not enjoy. This dating experiment, however, was going splendidly until last week. So here I am, dealing with growing frustration, trying to decide how to approach this first fight or possible end of our relationship. All the while he seems completely clueless. I came home angry Friday night. My anger grew into a scary monster on Saturday, so Becky and I went for a nice late-night drive with loud music to make everything better. Yesterday I was feeling somewhat recovered and ready to calmly address the issue today. But alas, today the anger has been rekindled and I am back on the throne of Passive-Aggressiva because I am afraid of the angry and potentially mean things I may say if I actually attempt to discuss this. Apparently I need some lessons in dealing with conflict.

Dating is the worst. I honestly don't know how anyone ever gets married.

On the bright side,
this makes me really happy:

and I'm a little obsessed with this song: {Youth, by Daughter}

and Ingrid's new album comes out next week. Joy!


*This should probably say "Men I date." I actually think men are great. My friends have husbands that are great. My dad is wonderful. My brothers are the best guys around. But the ones I tend to date . . . yikes!