these is my words

Heather has been telling me to read These is my Words by Nancy Turner for ages, so I finally did and I loved it. Miss Sarah Agnes Prine is a fine heroine and her journal entries are thoroughly entertaining. Even though it is a novel, Sarah feels like a real person. I find a lot of the things I am reading lately have awesome, inspirational characters.

{Spoiler alert! If you plan to read this book and don't want to know anything about what happens, stop reading now. I'm not really giving anything away that was obvious to me from early on, but you have now been warned}


Sarah is tough and smart. She is a killer shot and very independent. It makes me happy how much she loves books.

"Well, I said, any man who knows me could admire me but I don't want to be married to someone just because he thinks I'd make a good wife." (p. 196)

I connected with Sarah in so many ways.

"It's just that I want everything, my insides are not just hungry, but greedy. I want to find out all the things in the world and still have a family and a ranch." (p. 309)

It cracks me up when she talks about her relationship frustrations.

"Taking up marriage is a good excuse for taking up cursing, I think." (p. 248)

I felt like I could relate to some of the things she said about loss and grief and sorrow.

"I want to run. I want to run and run and go far away, back to the Territory or off to some foreign land where there is no more sorrow." (p. 16) 

"I feel like my legs are made of wooden branches and my heart is a hard rock inside." (p. 17)

While the book is full of adventures and calamity and interesting characters, the love story is the best part. When I told Heather I had finished the book she said that she had never loved a fictional character like she did Captain Elliot. I agree completely! Step aside, Mr. Darcy. We all know that I like my men manly, and Jack Elliot is the perfect mix of tough and strong and sweet and loving. He's perfect and maddening. Exactly my type. ;) If you want to meet a man who surpasses Mr. Darcy  {in my opinion} you will have to read These is my Words. And you should, because it is fabulous. 

"I wish Jack Elliot was here. It seems the only time I can take a full breath is when he is nearby." (p. 193)

"I'd rather be around Jack in a bad mood than most other men when they're trying to pay me a compliment." (p. 273)

This book was lovely in every way, and I have officially fallen in love with a fictional character.

hope, love and patients

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my job? I got home from work about an hour ago and I have been thinking about how grateful I am for the people I get to meet and care for.

One lady who has been with us in rehab for almost a month is going home tomorrow, so most of us said goodbye to her tonight. Leigh Ann came out of her room and cried a little, and I had tears welling up in my eyes when I said goodbye. She said, "Parting is such sweet sorrow" and told me that we had all been so special. She told me I gave her the best showers and the best back rub she ever had. {People are always really grossed out by the shower thing, but I think it is quite a privilege to have people trust me to take care of them with something that can be quite embarrassing. I also enjoy helping people feel good, even if it is "gross."} This woman is such a star. When I am 87 I hope to be just like her. She is so incredibly kind and always saying thank you. She is a hoot and a half. She is always laughing. She says things like "goodie-goodie-gumdrops." She always has to shoot her paper towels into the trash can after she washes her hands, like Jimmer Fredette. Tonight she leaned real close and dropped it in, so of course I responded with a cheer and a "Slaaaaam dunk!" She said, "That was a Jimmer" and we laughed some more.

Seeing her absolutely brightened my day every time, and I don't know if I ever talked to her without laughing. Watching her progress was such a treat and she has come so far. I feel so inspired and blessed by her presence in my life over this short time. Things have been hard for her and she has plenty to be sad about, but she is always a ray of sunshine. She gives me hope that I can be a fun and sweet and happy even when things are hard and I'm hurting. There's always something to laugh about. You have to recognize reality, but you can always make a situation better with your attitude. She reminds me that the things you say matter and the way you treat people can change their day for better, or for worse. I always have an opportunity to brighten someone's day if I choose to.

I think one of my favorite things about work is getting to know so many people; people who often give me hope and teach me important lessons. Another of my favorite patients was a woman who loved to watch basketball. She was always sweet and fun to talk to, and I loved going into her room during the NBA finals so I could see the score and talk about the game. She and her husband had been married for 60 years and they were so in love. He was always there doting on her, which drove some people a little crazy, but I thought it was great. One night he was helping me clean her up and they were talking to me about marriage. He said "When you're married 60 years like we have been and you've gone through everything, that's when you know the real meaning of love and loyalty and friendship." Well that was another time when I almost cried right then and there. It was a seriously beautiful moment. He told me another day that marriage is something you work at every day and one day she said, "You spoil each other. That's always been our philosophy." Things like that give me hope in the midst of all the broken marriages and distortions of love that true love is real and you actually can be happy and in love with your spouse forever. That teaches me to accept nothing less than that for my life.

The patients who are nice and appreciative are always easier to care for and make a greater impression, but I have learned important things from the difficult ones as well. I have hardly had a patient that I didn't learn to enjoy. I remember one man who had gained a little reputation of being grouchy and difficult. I had heard this, but I decided to sit down with him when he was eating dinner one night. He had a fascinating life and he told me all about it. Tears formed in his eyes when he told me about his wife's death more than forty years earlier. Later he told me how he had taken two young boys in his ward under his wing after their father had died and how he later married their mother. One day he was going to take the boys to Disneyland. He had no intention of dating their mother, but as he drove away he said the Holy Ghost stepped right in and told him he should turn around and bring her along. He cried as he told me, "And that was the beginning. The Holy Ghost will take you where you need to go." I took a little time to get to know him and he never gave me a speck of trouble. I remember my dad telling me that everyone has a story and you can learn something from everyone you meet if you take the time.

I love the patients that I work with. It's a different kind of love than I've ever felt before and now I truly know what they mean when they say you love the people you serve.

In June two patients I worked with passed away. The news hit me pretty hard. I have only been working at the hospital for about 5 months, and these were the first people to die that I had really cared for. These were two amazing women and I was struck by their spirits and their strength. I watched them suffer and work hard trying to recover. I comforted each of them as they cried. I remember their husbands, children, grandchildren. I knew they were both very sick and probably would not live long, but they were so young and the news was still difficult. As I eventually go through many years of working in healthcare I know that many people I care for will pass away, and I hope it always affects me like these two did. I also hope that I can covey to the patients I care for just how special they are to me and how much I learn from them- even the cranky ones. It is truly a privilege and I'm thankful with all my heart.

an absolutely defining sense of self

I was frustrated with myself last night because I feel like in some areas of my life I am not really taking charge. Sometimes it's really easy to criticize yourself, but I started thinking {very dramatically} that I don't know what the heck I want or who on earth I am. In reality this is not really true, but it felt true last night and it felt true when I woke up this morning.

So naturally, I listened to Joe Fox and I took myself over to Starbucks to pick up an absolutely defining sense of self. Tall! Cream! Frappuccino!

The double chocolaty chip cream frappuccino is always my drink of choice.

Next I hopped over to The Gap for a little retail therapy, which generally makes me happy. Although, it also makes me question my money management skills.

Having a little me time always puts a spring in my step and helps remind me that I am the heroine of my own life. It turns out I do know who I am, and I know exactly what I want.

share a bit of moon with me

Since You’ve Got Mail is my favorite movie of all time and in light of Nora Ephron’s passing, I feel a tribute post is in order. 

I have probably watched You’ve Got Mail a minimum of 50 times in my life. When Kelsey and I were living at Foxwood I think we watched it at least once a week. And of course we watched it on her last night in Provo. We have the whole movie memorized. When I need a pick-me-up, You’ve Got Mail is the go-to.  You've Got Mail tells me that change can be good, even when it's horrible. It gives me hope in love and in people. It teaches the importance of friendships and growth.

I love every moment of You’ve Got Mail. I love the music. I love all the characters. 

Frank, the greatest living expert on Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, and his typewriter. 

Kathleen: “It happened in Spain. People do really stupid things in foreign countries.”

Frank: “Yes, they buy leather jackets for much more than they’re worth, but they don’t fall in love with fascist dictators!”

When George says he’s “going to get some eucalyptus candles ‘cause it makes my apartment smell moss-ay!” and that “the internet is just another way of being rejected by women.” I love Christina and Birdie and the Shop Around the Corner. 

Patricia makes coffee nervous. 

I am actually in love with Joe Fox. I think my favorite line of his is, “I was eloquent! Shit!” 

I love his emails.  

“Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.”

Every time I struggle with making a decision, I think about Joe’s email about Starbucks.

“People who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!”

I love when they discuss the meaning behind NY152. 

Joe: “Mr. 152 Felony indictments.”

Kathleen: “Mr. 152 insights into my soul!”

Joe: “Oh yeah. No competing with that.”

When I get a dog I will probably name him Brinkley. 

I see so much of myself in Kathleen Kelly. When she has a hard time saying what she needs to say, that is me. I love watching her develop her voice, which is something I am still working on. {Remember how I like harmony and hate conflict?} 


I love how Nora’s female characters are sweet and feminine, but strong and smart and witty. Too many heroines of newer romantic comedies are crass and harsh. {Side note, Kathleen was almost my middle name. That's what my dad wanted, but my mom vetoed it and I have no middle name. Because of this movie I wish it was my middle name!}

I wholeheartedly agree with Kathleen when she says "When you read a book as a child it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does." {For me, see To Kill a Mockingbird, Harry Potter, Anthem, Narnia . . . }
Because of her I always feel embarrassed when I introduce myself by my first name only. I am not a cocktail waitress. She makes me want to twirl and carry a handkerchief with daisies. 

I would like for someone to remember me as enchanting. 

I hope all of the girls I know will follow Nora’s advice: 

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”

Thank your, Nora Ephron. Thank your.  

personality

One thing you should know about me is that I love personality tests. I think it's fascinating to understand what makes you tick, and I think it's vital in interacting with other people. Now, I don't think taking a personality test automatically tells you who you are and what you need and what makes you happy. But I do think they're fun because they get you thinking about those things.

Awhile ago at a work training we spent a portion of the morning doing a little Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator test and discussing how different personalities can interact positively at work. I had done a full-blown Meyers-Briggs test freshman year, but it spoke to me more this time.

With Meyers-Briggs there are four sections:

• Energy Focus: Extroversion / Introversion
• Information Learning: Sensing / Intuition
• Decisions: Thinking / Feeling
• Lifestyle: Judging / Perceiving 

You may fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum in these categories or you may be farther to one side. It's important to note that each of these things will apply to us at times, but there is generally a favored trait for each category. We aren't one-dimensional people. It's valuable to learn about how you think and take the time to observe yourself. 

Extroverts turn more outward to the world of action, people and things, while introverts turn more to the inner world of ideas and privacy. 

People who learn through sensing pay more attention to detail, personal experience, and the five senses. Those who learn through intuition tend to look at patterns and the "big picture." 

Thinking people use logic and objective information. Feeling people make decisions based on feelings, judgment, subjective information and person-centered concerns. 

Let's note first that "Judging" does not imply that you are judgmental of other people. This division is kind of like planning/spontaneity. Judging people like a planned and organized approach to life, they like to make decisions but they may struggle with changing plans. Perceiving people like to be flexible and spontaneous; they may have trouble making decisions or finishing projects.

You put these all together and that gives you your personality type. I think it's so interesting how we are constantly evolving. Freshman year I came out as an ENFJ, right now I would probably classify myself as an ISFP. 

This is the description of my current dominant personality type:  

ISFP

Observant, loyal HELPERS; reflective, realistic, empathetic, patient with details. Shunning disagreements, they are gentle, reserved and modest. Having introverted FEELING as their strongest mental process, they are at their best when responding to the needs of others. They value:

- Personal loyalty; a close, loyal friend

- Finding delight in the moment

- Seeing what needs doing to improve the moment

- Freedom from organizational constraints

- Working individually

- Peacemaking behind the scenes

- Attentiveness to feelings

- Harmonious, cooperative work settings

- Spontaneous, hands-on exploration

- Gentle, respectful interactions

- Deeply help personal beliefs

- Reserved reflective behavior

- Practical, useful skills and know-how

- Having their work life be fully consistent with deeply held values

- Showing and receiving appreciation

When you know yourself and consider how other people work I think everything just makes more sense. 

Finally, from Anne of Green Gables, by L.M. Montgomery:

"There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting."

We all have different people inside us. No one is the same all the time, and that is part of the fun of living and interacting with other people. We each have many layers and the top layer is constantly changing.